One thing I do like about writing on my more or less pro bono blog, is that I can talk in the first person, where as when I write for Examiner, I have to be impersonal and talk in the third person.
So I... saw Ted yesterday. I didn't know what to expect, other than hilarity, but I wasn't sure how funny the movie was going to be. I had been let down in the past. I was not let down. This movie is hilarious from beginning to end.
Let's start with the premise and basic plot outline. Mark Wahlberg's character, John, as a child, wishes for his stuffed bear, Teddy, to come to life. This happens the next morning and after his parents freak out, Teddy becomes a celebrity. After a couple of decades, people stop giving a shit. Ted and John are pot smoking jokesters. John works at a car rental place and is dating Mila Kunis (well a character played by Mila Kunis... Lori). Lori is VP of a public relations firm and wants John to get more out of life. She sees Ted as an obstacle to this. After some of Ted's high...jinks, she wants John to ask him to move out.
The movie is Seth MacFarlane's live action directorial debut. He needs to get into more movies. You can tell the creator of Family Guy wrote and directed this from the first five minutes. Patrick Stewart is narrating and reminds me of the character he plays in American Dad. There are some cut aways, maybe about as many as in a typical Family Guy episode, but over a two hour period. There's a fight sequence between Ted and John that is reminiscent of the Giant Chicken vs. Peter Griffin fights in Family Guy. The intensity and brutality combined with the silliness of the situation make the fight forfilling on a lot of levels.
Many of Seth MacFarlane's voice acting alumni show up in the movie. Alex Borstein (Lois Griffin) and Ralph Garman (various FG voices) are John's parents. Patrick Stewart (Bollock) is the narrator. Seth himself plays Ted's voice and did his motion capture (which I can't wait to see on the Blu Ray). Patrick John Warburton (Joe Swanson, Agent T in MIB II, The Tick live action show) is one of John's co-workers who might be gay after he gets drunk, but doesn't know, but thinks it's not a big deal either way. And not Smallville's Supergirl Laura Vandervort makes an appearance.
The jokes pretty much come non stop, but when the movie gets serious; it pulls it off. When Lori is mad at John after the party sequence, you believe it.
SERIOUS SPOILERS AHEAD:
So there's a scene at the end where you think Ted is going to die. He does and I thought it was going to be Turner and Hooch all over again. It doesn't happen. That should have been predictable, but Seth does a really good job making you think, this is it. This shit is going down. I'm killing this f*cking bear, now cry you bitches. I'm glad it didn't turn into that type of movie, but he had me going for like 30 seconds.
Also John and Ted adore Flash Gordon. Sam Jones shows up in maybe the funniest sequence in the entire film. Patrick Stewart is my Sam Jones, and if I made a movie like this, Patrick Stewart would be at a party being a badass (Avery Brooks would be a close second).
SPOILERS END!!
Overall Ted is a great movie. It was heart as well as a dick. You'll laugh at the jokes and feel during the serious parts. All of us have screwed up and when John messes things up, you want things to be right again. We've all had friends like Ted (not a living stuffed bear). Someone who's irresponsible, but will be there for you in a pinch. I high....ly recommend it.
5 out of 5 prostitute defecations on the floor
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