Review: Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is a mockbuster by The Asylum. This is in their long tradition of releasing movies with similar titles to that of movies being released in theatres. This being solely done to cash in on the Hollywood movie's hype or so someone rents it, because they confused it with the real movie. This is obviously a movie done in parallel with Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. In case you aren't familar with the concept, check out Alien vs. Hunter, Snakes on a Train, or Transmorphers; and no, none of those titles were made up.

This movie starts with Abraham Lincoln's parents being attacked by zombies. Abe's father seems to commit suicide, though the wound for the effect makes it a little confusing. Nine year old Abe Lincoln has to put his zombified mother out of her misery with a scythe.
Fast forward to President Lincoln is in the middle of fighting the Civil War when reports of strange happenings during 'Operation Big Shanty'. Zombies have broken in a fort and spread to a nearby town. When the commanding officer is killed, the president himself leads the task force. The journey leads Abe to meet his assassin, John Wilkes Booth, a young Teddy Roosevelt, and Stonewall Jackson.

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This movie is pretty bad. Not that the expectations for it were high, but there are scenes and instances where it starts to become interesting. Then the scene is disrupted by horrible dialogue or unforgivably bad logic. Not that one would be looking for logic in this type of movie, but even for these standards.
In one instance, Lincoln hands the young Teddy Roosevelt a big stick. The zombies are asleep, which is odd in itself, and if there is any noise, they come to life out of their slumber. Lincoln tells Teddy, "Walk softly and carry this big stick." This may be a horrible line quoting the former trust busting president, but then Lincoln walks outside and shoots a zombie in the head. This wakes all of the other zombies. This makes no sense. He knew what would happen if he made a lot of noise, just referenced it, and then did what he said not to. The other horrible line is Lincoln says, "Emancipate this!" before decapitating a zombie.

Other those couple of instances, the movie tries to play everything serious. People react (badly) to other people's deaths and it's not meant to be a comedy. The acting is pretty bad. The only bright spot is the person who plays Abe Lincoln, Bill Oberst, Jr., isn't horrible in this movie. The dialogue is awful in several parts, but be does an okay job with what he was handed. The others under react, lay down to be eaten instead of fighting, and in some instances have really bad accents (the confederates especially).

The effects are okay in some places, but in others are horrible. There isn't one good effect in the movie. All gunshots are mediocre to bad CG. There was an instance where they light a torch and it's a CG flame. They couldn't just light a real torch? The practical effects are passable on some parts, but there are zombie bites that are obviously just fake blood smeared on someone's face or arm. One thing that you may find surprising is the bad fake facial hair. Some of the actors grew real facial hair, but the ones that didn't are bad. There's a confederate officer who's mustache doesn't match his hair color. Stonewall Jackson's beard is distractingly fake. This is something that isn't typical in movies, even of this grade, but could they at least had extensions or put a little effort into the facial hair?
The positive is that the zombie effects are done pretty well. You won't find yourself sighing at the zombies looking horrible. The physical sets are done well enough, but the budget shows. There are a couple instances where the decapitations or gunshots aren't horrible. There is a lot of violence, but it's so unconvincing that it shouldn't bother anyone even if they have a weak stomach. Abe Lincoln's fold out reaper is pretty cool. This weapon isn't in AL:VH, so this version stands out a little as a result.

Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies is nothing more than a cash in on Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter. There are few things redeemably about this movie. The violence is fun, but unconvincing due to bad CG. The acting is bad aside from Lincoln himself (most of the time). The plot makes no sense 60% of the time. This could have been okay, but it seems The Asylum just wishes to cash in on similarity to the theatrical movie.

1 out of 5 fold out Sythes